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Be Still

Photo Credit: @m_Media_

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There is something about man’s search for stillness. It’s a desire that is close to my heart – often. I am an introvert AND a youth minister. I am an introvert and a person that works in marketing and promotion. I balance work & screen time with periods of stillness because I need that duality to function.

I am also a Type A Virgo, and I like to be in control of every situation, most especially my body & health.

I crave moments of stillness and value them with out measure, I think that’s why of all the traveling we’ve done in the last month, the time spent in the flats of the Serengeti region will be among my greatest lasting memories.

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But and I feel there needs to be a strong sentence starting but right here…I think its interesting & kinda okay very frustrating that sometimes for me it takes a dramatic event to push me back down from my lions pace to stop for a moment. It’s all fun and games while I am hiking or meditating, or safaring and I get into my lover place and choose that.. (exchange Male for Female in this case) but when the universe thows a curve ball & the realization comes that in this moment there isn’t anything I can do – here I am, Humbled and Still again.  Thats the kind of day today is. I had to park my ego, cancel Kilimanjaro and recognize that I am not well again.

I’m sure I’ve never shared this before but as its part of the reason I have the time to write today, a truth. I have on going, lifestyle-altering kidney issues. Most of the time when I am looking after myself well – I seem to live like I am healthy as a horse – I think we have already established that I like to be on the go constantly. I am by default design, an adventure seeker ~ always looking for the next moment, story, experience…

Sometimes though my body has other plans & I am brought to a screeching halt.

Deep breath, Just Breathe.

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I am starting to see the signs a little more easily, I am tired out a bit more quickly, my cognitive function decreases, my breathing becomes a bit more laboured, nausea sets in, and then the grand finale – PAIN.

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So here we are, on the eve of our time in Tanzania & rather than spending it trekking through a jungle I am in bed, resting.

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Throughout this trip I have been reading the book; Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I know its a few years old but I had never desired to read it before now. Whenever I travel I seem to have a particularity poignant book fall into my lap.

Barcelona & Madrid: The Alchemist.
Montreal last year: Tuesdays with Morrie.
My time on the Californian coast: The Artists Way.
The paddling trip last sumer: The Celestine Prophesy
It’s like the universe is saying; “wake up, you missed the 90’s” 😉
One of the most recent; The gifts of Imperfection, by Brene Brown – I HIGHLY recommend, frankly I think it should be part of the Grade 12 Life Curriculum! (But that’s a whole other post all together)

This book though, Eat Pray Love… its hitting me in different unexpected ways. I see my self in her, the author, so clearly. I love this woman in her flaws, yet as easy as that is, loving myself in mine is much, much harder.

It’s been loving her, and spending time in a reality that is so far removed from my own, it’s this freedom to just be that has allowed me to love myself again, remove judgement and even more so than I already do, to love being here. I needed this experience more than I thought I did, and as I peel back the layers – for a multitude of reasons.

I am finding this book to be extremely validating, this time to be extremely replenishing.

So today while I drink loads of water and rest and hope for some strength to travel on in order to more easily make our journey home, I shall finish up the Love section and indulge in a little care free timelessness.

I am going to take this as it is, a present.

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On another topic, a secondary gift to come out of this Africa experience,
I feel creative again.

We had many moments along the way that were profoundly simple which re established my muchness!

An animal sighting,
pull over the jeep,
turn of the engine
and sit.
Still.
Silent.

I have always practiced a meditation technique, its a listening exersise. A way to allow your senses to move beyond your physical self. Using that technique while in this vibrant animal kingdom moved me to tears.

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I’ve not been writing here or on any online journal (mostly because the internet is unpredictable and my portable keyboard is so small my fingers cramp up) – but in recognizing that as an opportunity to simplify, I have gotten back into the habit of putting pen to paper.

My travel journal is extensive – I am so looking forward to delving into that pool of ideas over the next few months to curate some content to share here. How blessed do I feel? Thinking back to the various experiences, people, and moments… my spirit is on fire!

Hope you can find some time to enjoy a few moments of your own still

~ Miss D

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