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Ross Hawse

You have probably seen or read some of the positive life quotes that have been posted and shared on social media referring to having one life to live and living life with no regrets etc. I love them. They are so inspiring. They make me want to quit my job, sell all of my possessions and set off to see the world and live my life like everyday is my last day.  Sometimes you need to be careful what you wish for. As Paulo Coelho wrote in his book The Alchemist, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it”.

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About a year ago I had the unfortunate job of having to implement a restructure plan for the company I worked for.  It included letting some very good people go. That was a hard thing to do for a high empath like myself. At one point I remember telling a close friend (or two) that if someone was to tell me I had been restructured and my services would no longer be required that I would embrace it.

This past July that is exactly what happened. A week after returning from the celebration of life for my late father I was informed that I would have a year to re invent myself. It had been a crazy year.  I had turned 50, lost my father, lost my job and as a single parent had all three of my children living with me.  No pressure. None. Zilch. Well…maybe a little.

I took the first two months and did nothing.  Well, nothing work related. I had a few offers but nothing that interested me. I felt like I had been given a gift; A year to travel to explore and see the world. I spent a few weeks on Vancouver Island, I drove down the Oregon Coast (you have to do that drive..Wow) got my daughter settled into her first year of university, I attended some fabulous music festivals and spent 8 days in Vegas. 8 days and never even spent a single penny gambling. At $12 bucks a Gray Goose I couldn’t really afford to gamble… Anyways, It was the first time I had taken a vacation of longer than two weeks since I was 17 and in high school.  It has been a long time. The crazy thing is every single day I would let me mind drift to that day a year down the road when my restructure package would run out and I would be unemployed and 51. This ‘follow your heart and do what you want to do’ is easier said than done when you have been programmed for 50 years to be part of the system.  Go to school, get a job, get married (more than once) buy a house (more than one) have children (more than one), get a mini van (I hated that mini van) get a vasectomy (it wasn’t that bad, a root canal is worse), get a divorce (maybe two) you get the picture. We have all been trained to be good little worker bee’s and do our part to keep the machinery moving.  It is hard to let that go, to embrace your fear.

It has been three months since the “restructure” and while the cold sweats thinking about my future (or the fact I don’t know what that future looks like) still happen daily, I have decided I am going to throw caution to the wind, follow my passion and let the future unfold. Putting my trust in the fact that the universe will take care of me. Or, as my mother said to me on the phone, you can always move back in with Mom, son.

She is the best mom ever.

At this point, you are probably wondering what my passion is? What would compel me to suggest that moving back in with my mother at 51 years of age is now my plan ‘B’.

I am going to write.

No, not be a writer, I am going to tell stories. I am going to be a storyteller. My command of the English language will never allow me to call myself a writer, but story teller, I like the sound of that.

I have been working on a book, I mean story, for about three years now. Ever since my children moved in with me I have found plenty of reasons to not have time to finish it.  No more excuses. I am going to treat this like it IS my career. Now the reason I am telling you about this is that I want to be held accountable to finishing it. So….I will be sending out updates and have agreed to also write a weekly blog for the website lovebeinghere.com

This story telling may never amount to anything other than something crossed off my bucket list, but that will still be something to me. You may become tired of reading about this on my FB so I won’t be hurt or offended if you chose to un-friend or hide my posts or report my feed as spam.  Well that’s not totally true, I will be hurt a little but I’ll get over it.

PS , As part of this new career I have also decided to quit smoking, drinking and on-line dating.  I know what you’re thinking.  The on-line dating is going to be the hardest as it has become my favorite way to pass time while waiting to board planes, pick up kids or sit at a long stop light.  I can do it!!  Oh, and one more thing, I have also decided that I will not shave until the story is finished.  I hate beards, well I don’t hate them, I just find them really itchy and annoying plus I have grey coming through so it should look weird as well.  Although I think if I was a woman (or a gay man) I don’t think I would enjoy kissing a guy with a beard.  Whoops, I got side tracked. Anyways, the beard will serve as another form of self motivation to get the damn book finished so I can shave. Ya, I know. It is a little weird but aren’t we all.

Ross

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