Words by| Ross Hawse
Last week I was having a conversation with a couple of friends about what it’s like to be single and navigating the world of on-line dating. It can be a lot of work. Well let me rephrase that, it is a lot of work, but perhaps I can pass along a little advice that may save you some time and aggravation.
1: Pictures are worth 1000 words
Do you expect someone to take the time to read your profile? Of course you do.
First up then, you need at least one picture. Preferably not a group picture. Nothing more frustrating than having a picture of you with your buddies or your gal friends as the only picture and not saying which one is you. It happens. Best to not have pictures of you with super hot friends either. That leads to questions you don’t want to hear. Also, do not include pictures of you with your previous partner, seriously! Especially a wedding picture.
Preferably it is a pic or two of you doing things you like to do. Not things you think someone else would like to do. If you have a picture of you kayaking you better darn well kayak. The pictures are important, especially the main pic. You want them to open your profile. No food pics please, enough with the cute life quotes, guys no shirtless bathroom selfies with the toilet in the bg and ladies what is with the duck face selfies. NO!!! On a personal note, I swipe left on pics of ladies at the gun range or posing with dead animals. But that’s just me. Oh, current pictures only, anything older than a year or two is pushing it.
2: Be Authentic.
Most importantly do not lie about your age. It will eventually come out.
I did this when I first started on-line, thinking it would bring younger women to my profile. It did, but once I actually met someone I liked and had to come clean – it was awkward…
Nothing like starting off with a lie. Not good. Almost as bad is claiming to be athletic when you are not. Or claiming to be average in body type and your not or that you don’t smoke but do. If you put down separated but you still live in the same house, that is not really separated.
PRO-TIP: You might want to wait till you or they move out before you start dating.
3: Don’t over think this
When it comes to writing a little something about yourself don’t over think it. Be honest and be real. Make it about you and what you like. I once read this profile that started by saying how they wanted to find someone who was positive and encouraging and then they went on to list a bunch of things they didn’t like about some of the men they had dated. Hmmm.
Also, it is a 500 word write up that a lot of people put together on their smart phone or iPad so if there is the odd spelling mistake – do not point it out. Maybe it is just me but I will not date someone who corrects my spelling in their first email to me. Even if they are a teacher. Who does that?
Now, the last thing I want to address is the time frame on responses to matches or likes or messages. It is still a world where the man is suppose to make the first move. Is it not? Not always but still pretty much expected I think, although I am totally ok with the reverse.
If you get a message, respond with in 24 hours if you are interested.
It bothers me when I start exchanging messages and everything is fairly immediate and then they go dark for say a day. Or two. Or three. And the last message from them was a question to which I had responded.
In my world no reply is a reply. If it takes longer than 24 hours I am done, gone, bye bye. Sure there could be extenuating circumstances. i.e. You were in the lab curing cancer or your phone battery died for 24 hours. Sure. It happens. yeah, No.
Realize that your person, probably has a few different people they are messaging and possibly have found someone they find more interesting than you, or me (hard to believe but it can happen).
If you reach this inevitable point, let’s face it – if this is the case we have become option B or C or D. I am no one’s option B and neither are you. As they say, there are Plenty of Fish in the sea.
Don’t let this consume you, don’t let it stress you out and if you are not prepared to engage in a conversation that could lead to a date, then.. swipe left.
words by | Ross Hawse