Everyone has one: A story about a love that never was, or the one that got away.
You know what I’m talking about, a fairy tale gone wrong, a romantic comedy with an unhappy ending, a tale of a lost soul mate, a “what if”. A face burnt so brightly into your memory that it looks like it was made in a Lite-Brite.
Yes, we all have a little regret hiding somewhere in a dusty corner of our heart. Memories that can’t help but make you smile when they slip back into your consciousness.
Ok, I think you get the picture. These love stories of unfulfilled promise have many different variations.
For example, “bus” girl. That person you had a moment with on a bus or train, or plane or somewhere in passing. You had a moment, you made eye contact, you both let your gaze linger and you couldn’t help but exchange a little smile. You both felt it, but neither of you did anything about it. You never asked the question. Frozen by fear you let the opportunity taxi down the runway and take off without you. It might have been nothing but “what if”, what if it had been something. You’ll never know.
Then there’s “She’s with someone else” girl. There is an obvious attraction between the two of you but she is in a committed relationship when you’re single and when she’s single, you’re in the monogamous relationship. The timing is never right.
Maybe you just didn’t tell her, for whatever reason. Who knows, but in the end you never told her how you felt and someone else did, or,…you did tell her. You got down on one knee, bared your soul and asked to breathe her in forever. And she said no.
What if, (I love these), what if she said yes? You move in together. The two of you buy furniture, a slow cooker, art work that you don’t quite appreciate as much as her, but you went along with anyway. Months spent getting to know every little bit of her inside and out. You are living the dream, with the little house, a white picket fence, 2 kids, and a dog. The made for TV fairy tale. It’s perfect until you, or maybe her, make a mistake that you can’t take back and you can’t get over. One of you fucked up. But you still love her. She might even still love you but you can’t go backwards. Life, as a friend once said to me, is forward moving, green and growing. The pain of knowing that one of you gave a little piece of themselves to someone else sits in the room like a large elephant and it doesn’t matter what color you paint the room the elephant just doesn’t fit and it reminds you of that piece of art that you bought together that you never liked in the first place.
She can take that when she moves out damn it.
There is one more. I almost left this one out. The “Gone” girl. The one in a million soul mate that you fell head over in heels in love with only to lose her. Not to someone else, she wasn’t swept up in the arms of another.
Her time on earth was up; you never know how long you have.
Corners of the Heart
They are all painful, but,.. when their dusty face shines through from that corner of your heart where you stored it, you still smile. It maybe faint, but it’s still a smile.
I have lived a little, and if you have too then you’ll be able to relate to a lost love. When I think back over my life lived, there are a few beautiful smiles that fill my head with great memories and the occasional pang of regret.
Is there one greater than the others? I would be a liar if I said no.
Of course there is, and I smile every time I think of her ☺